Writing:

Answer to Midlife Crisis?

By Robin C. Bonner

A Writer’s Mirror
Full of expectations, I attended a local writer’s conference recently. I wasn't disappointed. Author Michael Cunningham (The Hours) was the program’s keynote speaker. He led the event, sponsored by Montgomery County Community College (MCCC, PA), with anecdotes about his writing career. (He maintained that he wasn’t the most talented, just disciplined—and he wanted it more than anyone else.) When I looked out on the sea of 800-plus faces in that auditorium, though, I felt that I looked into my own. A good number of people in the audience were in midlife. Like me, they probably had good reason to be there. They wanted to write. They felt the need to write. And they wanted to do it now, before it was too late. I’m sure each of us thought we wanted it more than anyone else.

The following day of the conference, the demographic was no different—about 150 attended, and, judging from the surveys 86 completed, 65% were over 40 (and 85% were female, which I found interesting). What drew the middle-aged to write, especially the women? I decided to find out.

Something for Everyone
The conference offered a day-long yummy smorgasbord of lectures, each an hour and a quarter long. During the 9:00 a.m. opening session, a panel of literary agents took myriad questions from the audience. (The agents also met with individual writers personally later that morning, by prearrangement at registration.) The agent panel and the lectures that followed were a writer’s nirvana.

Over the course of the day, presenters covered a variety of topics: Writing query letters. Ways that journalists can reach readers. Using place, setting, and ground in poetry. Keeping content fresh. Beginning a work. Treating character as action in playwriting. Legal business issues. Crafting nonfiction book proposals. “Looking again” in nonfiction. Ten reasons short stories do not get published. Writing for comic books and graphic novels. Strategies for writing successful romance novels. Using emotion. Writing memoirs. Well, you get the idea—basically, there was something for everyone.

It was difficult to choose among three options for the next session. “Writing the Right Query,” “Fiction Writing: The Craft of Character,” and “Journalism: Reaching Your Readers” all enticed me at 10:30. Ever the pragmatist, I chose journalism, as I am at present more journalist than fiction writer. I chose well: Sandra Long’s enthusiastic recap of her career was not to be missed. As Vice President of News and Operations for both the Philadelphia Inquirer and the Daily News, she opened a window for us on what it is like to run two major urban newspapers—the meetings, the issues, the cutbacks, the hot topics. How to handle a World Series win at 11:00 p.m. when the paper comes out in the wee hours of the following morning. How the industry has changed since 1984, when she first joined the Philadelphia Inquirer. In fact, I was so taken with Long that before I arrived at the next session, I had talked her into telling me more—in an interview for Empty Nest (see Real People Empty Nesting, elsewhere in this issue).

A decision on the next session was easier, since for me poetry is not a top contender for my attention, and I have Empty Nest to think of. Jill Sherer Murray, award-winning writer, blogger, and corporate trainer, and Joy Stocke, publisher of the e-zine Wild River Review, filled the bill. Murray and Stocke’s talk “Keeping It Fresh: Wowing Readers with Great Content” revealed their prowess at their art. It hammered home what I already knew: no typos, good grammar, italics and bold for emphasis, short sentences (well, maybe I could still learn that lesson). It also introduced other important stuff: Consider your audience, use compelling headlines to attract scanners, increase readership by getting others to link to your site.

Speakers and Attendees
The individual workshops were interesting, sure, but the speakers and attendees themselves really intrigued me. I found myself wondering why the attendees attended and why the lecturers lectured (other than for the honorarium they would collect). Lunch was one place to explore some of these issues. The conference sponsored a gourmet sandwich and salad buffet over an hour that passed too quickly. I picked a table at random and immediately dove into a conversation with Jean Barto, Cassandra Jordan, and Kathy Neary.

Barto self-published a book for her granddaughter about embarking on the college adventure (her first of four such writing projects). Jordan manages her writing as well as her four children. Neary, a lifelong educator, talked about her sister, 10 years younger than herself, who helped her parents through middle age. It was an eclectic conversation, moving from writing, to educating, to empty nesting, and back again. These ladies, and other conference attendees, were happy to share their views on the importance of writing, especially in middle age.

Kathy Neary: Formerly a Delaware County Community College instructor, Neary has taught at all grade levels. She has a son, 18, and serves as a Pennsylvania State Education Association Advocates for Children & Education representative for the state’s southeast region. I asked her why she thinks people write, and this was her no-nonsense reply: “I think people write because they have something to say, something that they want others to hear. Maybe it is to give information, or entertain with a story, or to wake the reader up to an issue that is burning in their heart. That is why [attending] workshops to develop one's craft is important. No matter how important, entertaining, or informative your message, if you don't write well, the message will get no further than your own word processor. And, I don't think you know enough about life to write until you are older.”

Jean Barto: Self-publishing is Barto’s method. She writes for herself (and friends and relatives, who receive her books as gifts) and doesn’t bother chasing mainstream publishing venues. Her publications include What Are You Bringing to College? A Guide for Girls; Humor, Heartache, and Harrowing Tales (a collection of memories from 100-plus contributors); and Furry Tales (animal stories for the young and young at heart), another contributed work. Pet Wonders is less scientific, and Barto is sole author. She took a correspondence course (“From Inspiration to Publication”) on writing children’s literature and calls it “the best writing course” she’s found to date.

An art major in college, Barto has had a varied career, including interior designer, art educator, realtor, and even manager of the famous Barnes Foundation for a year. In addition, she always enjoyed writing. It was after she was widowed, though, that Barto began to write in earnest. She hopes her current project, Loving, Losing, and Living Again, will help others make the most of their lives after they lose a loved one. “Everyone’s experiences are different,” she explains. “And, everyone has something to say. As far as I’m concerned, it’s better to write, volunteer, play bridge, or do something else than to wallow in self-pity. I’ve had loss in my life, but there are good things in life that I can get into. I have found writing to be very challenging and rewarding. Next, I’d like to author something about important people who have influenced my life—as a legacy for my children.”

Circulating through the crowd proved another way to make contacts and learn useful, interesting information. It was there that I met Matt Hugg.

Matt Hugg: While milling about the handout table after the keynote session earlier that morning, I was approached by Matt Hugg, a fundraising-talent developer whose business necessitates him to do a lot of writing. He heard my questions to the agents (and noted that I edited a magazine on empty nesting) and wanted to suggest a contact. It was good to network with him and others at the conference and afterward.

When I asked Matt about his writing career, he had this to say: “As I was going through a career transition, a mentor pointed out that while most of us are bright enough to do anything we put our minds to, if what we do is not ‘right’ for us, then it takes up too much personal energy and leaves us mentally and emotionally exhausted. I certainly could relate to that. My friend suggested that each of us should seriously consider doing the work that we do extremely well that leaves us inspired and refreshed, not beaten and tired. Upon reflection . . . I found that for me, writing is one of those jobs. After that it was all about what everyone says—write about what you know. So I did—nonprofits, fundraising, careers in nonprofits, and writing for nonprofits—like annual reports, donor profiles, and articles on nonprofit programs. That’s why I find writing for work a pleasure.”

Hugg also weighed in on the question of whether people feel more compelled to write as they age: “Yes, I do. First of all, there’s that ‘I need to leave a legacy’ urge that comes with a certain age” [reminding me of Jean Barto’s comments]. He continued, “When the children leave or the grandchildren arrive, mortality looks more real. We begin to think of what the next generation will think of or know about us. For instance, my great-grandfather grew strawberries on a substantial farm in Nova Scotia in the 1930s and 40s. One of the few living memories that anyone has of him is his punishing my (then 6-year-old) uncle for not picking the berries right. One of my motivations for writing my books is so that my great-grandchildren can see all of me, not just some moment of anger passed generation to generation because I had a bad day.

“Second, I think that it takes a while for each of us come to a point in life when we really don’t care what others think about our writing, which vastly improves our writing, because we relax. I know that for me it came when I wrote an article for my last employer’s magazine. I was having a rough time at the job, and simply got into the article and didn’t really care what anyone thought about the product. It turned out to be one of my best pieces and won great recognition even after I left the organization—especially from my former boss!

“Third, and no less important, I think that getting enough life experience makes writing easier.” [Now, my conversation with Kathy Neary came to mind.] “The pace to get this experience is longer for some, shorter for others. If you’re in a war zone writing for The New York Times, the timeline to sufficient experience for good writing is probably pretty short. But most of us don’t have that accelerated schedule. I know for me it probably took 40 years to accumulate the experience to let the words come off my fingers like they do today.”

Jill Sherer Murray: Another voice answering the “Why do we write, and why more at our age?” question was Jill Sherer Murray, president of Streetcar Communications and a presenter at the conference (with Joy Stocke, mentioned earlier). She hits the proverbial nail on the head: “What made me take up writing as a career? Are there other careers? You mean there’s something better? Do I feel compelled to write more or differently, now that I’m in midlife? Absolutely! For one, there is so much more to say now that I’m older” [a reoccurring theme]. “Real stuff about rites of passages, and aging, and seeing yourself as the mortal being you weren’t when you were in your 20s or early 30s when you truly believed, deep down, you were untouchable. You were going to live and be okay forever. You were going to wear those size 8 jeans no matter what they told you about a slowing metabolism as you got older. That wasn’t going to happen to you. No way.

“I feel like now that I’m middle (gulp) aged, it’s so much easier to be honest. I’m so much less afraid of what other people think of me.” [Like Matt Hugg.] “I’m really looking more for that genuine connection. Not just to readers, but to a community of individuals. People who are going through what I am. Experiencing this process of aging and all that comes with it—some really great (like finally knowing who you are) and some really crappy (like forgetting about those size 8 jeans).

“I also find that, as a writer, I’m much less afraid to write about the things that really affect me. I guess that goes along with being honest, but there are few subjects anymore that give me pause when it comes to writing about them. I talk a lot about my relationship with my mother, which is very good now, but has definitely been tumultuous. (Whose parents haven’t left them with issues, right?) I talk a lot about what it’s like to be a stepparent—and how hard that is. I talk about my body a lot and the struggles I have in not only maintaining a youthful and fit appearance but staying healthy—changing those priorities in terms of how I see myself and wear my skin as I grow older.

“I also find that, sometimes, I just have to write down things that aren’t so heavy handed and just strike me as silly. They all seem to make good fodder for reading. Like how my ridiculously fit husband is starting to ask me if he looks fat in his jeans. (I had to blog on that one, oh puh-lease!)” [Did I mention that Sherer Murray’s blog Diary of a Writer in Midlife Crisis is hilarious?] “Or the whole Sarah Palin thing (talk about scary). Or the time I fell in the park and had to go to the emergency room to have my arm checked because I thought it was broken, and the intake nurse was wearing scrubs with little ducks on them. I mean, DUCKS, really. It seemed so odd that there were people bleeding in the lobby and she was wearing a poultry print. How seriously could I take her questions? ‘Do you have any pain in your shoulders or lower back?’ Here I’m thinking as pain is shooting up and down my limb, ‘That print is really not the most flattering for you.’

“Do I find that other writers I’ve talked to ‘finally get around to it’? I find that a lot of my writer friends at this point are much less focused on being ‘published’ in the traditional sense, and write more for the sheer joy of expressing themselves. I know when I was younger, I was so singularly focused on ‘that book deal’ or seeing my name in lights. And while I haven’t given up on those things, they hold less weight for me. Definitely.

“At this point, writing is really a ‘have to do it’ experience. I find when I’m not writing, I get depressed and bogged down. Like there’s a toxin coursing through me that just needs to come out. And as soon as I take to the page, I feel instantly relieved of it. I also really like being part of a community of writers. Writers are not only insightful, observant, and wonderfully quirky; they’re really fantastic people!

“This is common experience for most writers I know, especially as we age. We need an outlet that’s easy, because life isn’t. It’s stressful, especially nowadays (thank you, George Bush . . . oops, sorry). Our bodies and sensibilities are changing, and so is our world view—and we often need help making sense of that. Putting our feelings on the page really gives us a chance to stand back and look at the bigger picture of what growing older and enduring all of life’s changes really mean. Sometimes, it also feels good just to get it out!”

On All Accounts a Success
Not only did my colleagues and I find fulfillment at the MCCC Writer’s Conference, but the program’s director, Dana Murray-Resente, was also happy with the way things went: “Overall, the conference went very well. Our Saturday speakers were all local to the Philadelphia area. I think this can be beneficial to the conferees in so many ways. There are so many networking opportunities at an event like this, so having local speakers was a plus. Conferees often tell me that they have been in touch with or are getting advice from speakers they met at the conference. Also, the faculty, students, and volunteers who helped plan the conference are what make the event unique as well. So many people from different backgrounds, age groups, and professions get together to support and encourage writers.”

The conference was several months ago, but it almost seems like yesterday. What a valuable experience! Networking with the other writers stands out most for me. I have a Starbucks meeting set up with Matt Hugg. Jean Barto and I plan to meet for lunch. And the staff of Wild River Review (with Jill Sherer Murray) has agreed to meet me over dinner. I hope to learn more from them about managing an online magazine. Who knows where all of this will lead? Maybe when next year’s conference rolls around, I’ll even volunteer. . . .

LINKS:
Montgomery County Community College Writer’s Conference

Readers Read

Pegasus Writers' Stable: Writers' Organizations/a>

For Writers.com


Robin Bonner is Editor of Empty Nest. For more about Robin, see About Us.

home :: about :: features :: departments :: submissions :: archives :: subscribe :: contact

© 2009 Spring Mount Communications

Green Web Hosting! This site hosted by DreamHost.