Real People Empty Nesting

Kevin Ryan: President and CEO of
Covenant House International

by Robin Bonner

No one cares more about other people’s kids than Kevin Ryan does, especially kids who are out on the street and alone. And, as president and CEO of Covenant House International, a nonprofit that aids homeless, runaway, and at-risk youth in 31 locations throughout North America, he gets the chance to do something for these kids in a big way.

Kevin has put his law degree from Georgetown University to good use, serving and protecting kids in some of the poorest areas of the United States. As the first appointed State Child Advocate in NJ, he reformed the child welfare system, and he exposed illegal detention of children and child abuse in a state psychiatric hospital. In short, when kids have problems, Kevin’s their man. And he’s not just their man in the States: Kevin’s reach extends across borders. He was recently appointed to coordinate the launch of the United Nation’s first office dedicated to eradicating childhood death by malaria. His work has been featured in the New York Times, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and the Star Ledger and also earned spots on 60 Minutes, The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN, Fox, and MSNBC. Kevin’s blog for the Huffington Post addresses the specific day-to-day issues that affect homeless youth.

Kevin also pens the provocative letters that land in the mailboxes of Covenant House donors. These poignant narratives portray the dire straits in which homeless youth find themselves, and how time and time again, Covenant House offers them hope. One of Kevin’s mailings makes you reach for your wallet because you know instinctively that his words come straight from the heart—a true gift. I mean, what if my kid were out there on the street, in need of help? I’d want the Covenant House van to find her, and quickly. It does take a village to raise a child. No one knows this better than Kevin Ryan, and he is dedicated to spreading the word. When it comes to kids’ welfare, Kevin Ryan is indefatigable.

In addition to his many commitments on behalf of Covenant House and constant travel to the organization's various facilities, Kevin makes time for his loving family (Kevin and his wife Clare have six children of their own). Despite this, Kevin Ryan has found time to honor Empty Nest with this interview. He shares some of his personal story, as well as his thoughts on advocating for kids, keeping them off the streets, and empty nesting.

EN: Kevin, what was it like for you growing up? What did your parents do for a living? How many siblings do you have? Would you describe your childhood as a happy one?

KR: I'm the oldest of six children, all boys, including two sets of twins. We all came to our parents within 10 years, so our family was big, fun, and busy. Faith has always been important to our family, and along with my brothers, it’s the best gift my parents gave me. I see that—especially now, as a father of my own six children. Both of my parents are nurses, but growing up, Dad worked as a teacher and Mom took care of us full-time. They put us through Catholic high school and college on a teacher's salary, which is just remarkable. Dad is soft-spoken and gentle; Mom is a firecracker, full of laughter and hi-jinks. She is still the center of gravity for our extended family, and she encourages us as fathers to be child advocates. This year marks Dad's 56th consecutive year of volunteer service to his local first-aid squad. His only break came in 1967 when he went overseas with the Air Force as part of the war in Vietnam. Can you even imagine—56 years of active volunteerism? When I grow up someday, I want to be that man.

EN: When did you decide to get involved in advocating for children? Was there a specific event that influenced you, or did you embark on your career gradually?

KR: I always loved kids, especially teenagers. They're hilarious and heartbreaking—and just on the cusp of discovering how special they are and how wonderful life could be. I'm just hard-wired that way. My parents urged civic activism and service right from the get-go, and it’s left a huge imprint on each of us. Two of my brothers are in law enforcement, and one of them is dedicated to the FBI's investigations of online child abuse. Another two of my brothers are paramedics, and the last of my brothers is a global health expert who works at a nonprofit dedicated to fighting the spread of AIDS. So, yes: two cops, two paramedics, and two charity workers.

EN: Describe your family life today. What are its joys? Its challenges?

KR: We're very active, and the kids are all talented athletes, which is 100 percent due to their mother's DNA. We spend a lot of time on the weekends at sporting events, which I love—watching a son pitch, or a daughter high-jump, or a son play wide receiver, or a daughter goal-tend. And we're very involved in our church: My wife plays the guitar, my son ushers, and my daughters serve the mass. There are some weekends when my youngest daughter attends the children's liturgy in a separate chapel, and I'm sitting in the pew all by myself! Makes me chuckle.

EN: You have two children now in college. How have things changed in your household since they’ve left home? How has your relationship with your older children changed?

KR: Well, they're both home now for the summer! In fact, one of them is about to volunteer at Covenant House in New York, and another is volunteering at Covenant House in Alaska in July. It's great to have them back home now. The transition has been interesting for us. I finally know what the word “bittersweet” feels like. And as the years pass, our relationship is evolving.

I'm one of those dads who spends the high-school years saying, "I'm not your friend. I'm your father." My wife is the same way, and even more so. We encourage the kids' dreams and their unique gifts, but we push back against bad choices or impulsive behavior that can really hurt kids. The high-school years are a battlefield. All of a sudden, your kids and their peers are running at land mines: self-esteem, intimacy, alcohol, you name it. I've just seen too much adolescent suffering to sit by and decide that the high-school years are a time for us to be just friends. No way—not going to do it. At that moment, I'm their father, not their friend.

But having said all that, as the years pass and the kids become adults, I'm realizing more and more that it's possible to be both father and friend to grown-up children. And that makes me happier than I could ever say.

EN: You know from working with homeless youth that kids end up on the streets for many reasons, some of which are avoidable. How can parents of teens protect their children against that kind of life? How can they keep their teens from leaving home?

KR: I just co-wrote a book with New York Times reporter Tina Kelley about this very subject. It's called Almost Home, and it’s being published by John Wiley & Sons, though it’s available for pre-order now through all the major online book retailers. There are scores of things we can do to stem the tide of youth homelessness, but the most vital thing parents can do is to keep the lines of communication open. That's much easier said than done with some kids, and it may require some creativity, but it's really important.

EN: What advice can you give to empty nesters? What tips can you offer those parents who are struggling with their empty nest?

KR: Some of the happiest volunteers at Covenant House are empty nesters. The kids sleeping under our roofs are so needy, and many empty nesters have a lot of love to give. Plus, they know how to love, how to listen, how to coach. So when we make that connection between our kids and our senior volunteers, beautiful things happen, both ways. I think God gives parents a special heart, and the truth is, that heart doesn't stop thumping the day the kids head off to college or get married. It's why these transitions hurt a bit, or a lot. Doctors will tell us to work out for 20 minutes every day to exercise our hearts, but that's only half the story to heart health. We need to exercise the heart's longing to love, too, or we'll just shrivel up and fade away. Volunteering with kids who need us is one way to exercise the heart. I think it's the best way.


Robin Bonner is editor of Empty Nest. For more about Robin, see About Us.


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