How to Cope When Your Child
Studies Abroad

by Robin Bonner

A Late-Night Phone Call
"I’m okay, Mom." I heard Sarah crying over the telephone, so I knew she was not okay. My heart was pounding. She was speaking to me, though, which was a good sign. You see, it was 7:30 on a Friday night. And Sarah, a college junior, was studying in London, 3,000 miles and several time zones away. She wouldn’t call me in the evening (after midnight there) unless something was wrong. After a week and a half, I was already conditioned to expect that. As a parent of a student studying abroad, I was learning to cope.

It turns out that Sarah’s purse was stolen that Friday night. "Sarah, it’s okay." I tried to calm her down. "At least you are okay, which is all that matters. You could have been mugged!" College students are wont to be out and about at night. As a parent, you have to accept that. Sarah had (technically) left her purse unattended in a bar, and someone walked off with it. As it turns out, she and a group of classmates had gone out directly after class and put their things—backpacks, coats, purses—in a pile behind a couch, thinking they’d be safe. Well, somehow everyone else’s belongings were left unscathed, but Sarah’s purse disappeared. Hey, pickpockets in London go back to before Charles Dickens, I told her. This isn’t a matter of personal safety—it’s a case of cause and effect, even if she thought she took the proper precautions. Still, it was a hard lesson to learn.

So, I spent some time calling credit card companies to freeze Sarah’s accounts and American Express to report her lost traveler’s checks. Sarah, still learning her way around the city, had to find the police station and report the crime. She and her friends also searched trash cans and alleys around several ATM machines from which we found out the perpetrator tried to withdraw cash (incorrect PINs had tipped off credit card companies, and they declined the cash advances). The next day, Sarah set off to replace many of the items in the purse: keys, ID cards, wallet, the purse itself. We bought and mailed her a new camera (which she will pay for) and gave her any other support we could. She grieved over her lost wallet (bought when vacationing with her sister in California), her photos, and other lost items. At least her passport and a back up credit card were back in her room. Things could always be worse. I’m sure, though, that she won’t set her purse down anywhere again.

The Choice to Study Abroad
London. Not exactly exotic (the natives still speak English, albeit another variety altogether). Still, it’s far away, across a rather large body of water. And, the clocks there are five hours ahead of those on the U.S. East Coast (at least most of the time . . . They are four hours ahead for several weeks in March, until daylight savings time dates in both countries synch). So, when the alarm goes off at 7:00 a.m. for some people in the states, Londoners are already grabbing a bite for lunch. Usually, I don’t dwell on time zones . . . until Sarah decided to study abroad. Now, I live by them. I wonder: What is she doing now (while I’m in a different part of my own day)? Is she okay? What if she needs me—how quickly could I get there? Why doesn’t she call or at least email more often? It’s because she’s busy. My advice to parents is: Be busy yourselves. Very busy.

Sarah, a drama student at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, told us of her plans to study abroad early on. We were supportive. She looked into the summer programs available to theater students in London, but then reasoned that she could save money by working during the summer and spending a school semester there. That way, it would cost about as much as her regular tuition, room, and board, and she’d have more time there to explore. "I can’t wait," she said. "I hope I can get in . . . "

NYU’s study abroad program offers many opportunities. Adventurous Tisch students can participate in a general program or a smaller, more specialized curriculum, in London, Paris, Berlin, Florence, Ghana, and elsewhere. In London, they have the option to do a Shakespeare-intensive semester at London’s Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA), a prestigious program for drama students located in the heart of London. Check out any West End playbill—RADA will be well represented as a training ground for London actors. Albert Finney, Anthony Hopkins, Roger Moore, Vivian Leigh, and Harold Pinter all trained there. Sarah decided RADA was for her, as well.

We were behind Sarah’s application 100%. When I was in high school, because of their fears, my parents wouldn’t even allow me go on my French class’s spring vacation trip to Paris. My husband and I, on the other hand, have always encouraged our children to challenge themselves and to develop an international sensibility. We wanted them to learn more about different cultures, to experience living independently in a country other than the U.S.—to be part of the global community. We had to put our typical parental worries aside enough to let them do it.

To be accepted into the RADA program in the fall of her junior year, Sarah completed a RADA-specific application detailing her acting experience and what she hoped to gain in the RADA program. RADA also required two recommendations, which she secured from two of her acting studio instructors. (NYU drama students are placed in one of several studios for conservatory-style study—Sarah was with the Stella Adler Studio of Acting.) Her application and recommendations gained her an audition slot, conducted on the NYU campus in Manhattan.

The audition itself was a 3-hour workshop divided into two 1 ½-hour sessions. The first was in movement, comprising a warm-up, then exercises connecting movement to text. Next came the monologue portion, where each student delivered his or her piece, then received direction from the instructor. The auditioners wanted to see how well the applicants prepared, interacted, and took direction.

A few days later, the applicants received an email listing the students who made it to the next level, as well as the time and location of the second audition. These callbacks were done individually. Students presented two contrasting monologues and were then interviewed by a panel of RADA and NYU staff. They tried to determine how successful each student would be living far away from home for an extended period of time. The audition was a long and stressful process.

One day early in mid November, we were visiting Sarah in New York, when she asked us to look at something on her computer. It was an acceptance letter from NYU in London and the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art! She had received it just that day. She was in! She would be spending the spring semester in London. Now the fun began...

On to part two...